Why It's OK Not To Be OK

With everything going on right now (and let’s be honest, also everything NOT going on right now) it can be really easy for us to feel disoriented, confused, and generally a lot more emotional than usual. Kate here, and I can confirm I’m definitely among that group.

I wanted to write this post today to encourage anyone else who’s feeling worn down by this whole season, because I think it’s incredibly crucial for us to know now more than ever that we’re not alone in our feelings.

I recently wrote about how to deal when you feel powerless, and today I wanna write about how feeling powerless is not only normal, but it’s totally OK. Simply put, it’s OK not to be OK.

Everyone deals with challenging times like these differently, and while we know that and hear it over and over it can still be really easy to blame ourselves and feel ‘guilty’ if we don’t respond to a crisis the same way someone else does. 

I’m sure you’ve all seen a ton of articles floating around with titles like ‘how to use the quarantine to be your most productive self’ or ‘how to make the most of your time social distancing’ - and while these articles could very well be saying exactly what one person needs to hear, to someone else (ahem, me!) they could be totally anxiety-inducing and stressful AF. 

Among many things, one of the biggest problems with a global crisis like the one we’re in the middle of right now is that there is never a one-size-fits-all solution for how to feel better about it. And there’s certainly no right or wrong way to feel in general about it. But all it takes is an ill-timed scroll through social media feeds to make us feel like total inadequate garbage for not suddenly hunkering down and starting a dope podcast, whipping up some Martha Stewart-worthy dinner or writing the first chapters of that novel we’ve always wanted to write.

To be totally honest, I’ve been personally feeling this way nonstop these past few weeks. As a musician, I have a ton of fellow musician friends who have been going live on IG and performing their music over the past couple weeks. I love this idea and can’t wait to play some of my music live on IG as well, but if I’m being real? My mental health has not been in the right place whatsoever to do it just yet. And I couldn’t help but feel terribly guilty about that. 

Every time I would hop on social media, I’d get another notification about someone’s live stream starting soon, or someone else’s webinar happening later this week, or someone else’s new product line they just launched. “What the hell is wrong with me?!” I kept thinking. “Why can’t I just get it together and hit the ground running like everyone else??”

If this sounds familiar, I want to stress again that you’re one hundred percent not alone. It can be so overwhelming watching everyone’s ‘highlight reel’ because no matter how much we manage to get done in a day it always makes us feel like we’re still a thousand steps behind. 

And don't get me wrong- I’m absolutely beyond thrilled to see these folks live streaming their music, launching their programs, and creating their art. That’s the whole point of being an artist in the first place and I firmly believe that it’s actually the JOB of an artist to step up during the tough times and do our best to make things that move people. So you can imagine that as someone who believes that, I felt especially guilty that I wasn't yet able to join the ranks of artists sharing their work and brightening peoples’ days in some way.  

On top of feeling bad that I wasn’t there yet, I felt even worse thinking about the fact that there are so many people who have no choice but to show up and do their incredibly crucial jobs right now. Our essential workers are pushing through every single day and saving lives, and here I am feeling too sad to sing a song live on Instagram. It sent me down a pretty rough spiral if you can’t already tell. 

What I realized and had to keep coming back to was the very real truth that it’s OK not to be OK - no matter who you are. 

The thing is, I know with one hundred percent certainty that the LAST thing that’s gonna get me to step up and be inspired to do my job is beating myself up. Feeling guilty and ashamed and like I’m not doing enough is never going to work. All that stuff ends up making us feel even worse about ourselves and just creates a vicious cycle of inaction and general feelings of bummed out-edness (probably isn’t a word but I think it should be).

And not being OK is OK for everyone - I can’t imagine how hard life is right now for those incredibly brave folks on the front lines working at hospitals, grocery stores, delivery services and beyond - it’s still OK not to be OK! Acknowledging that this is hard is a very real part of processing it, and we need to give ourselves grace to feel all things we’re feeling, no matter how much we don’t want to feel them. 

I wish I could end this post with some kind of 10 step solution to feeling better, but that would be pretty inauthentic considering I’m still figuring that out like everybody else.

Instead, here are three tips that have helped me meet myself where I’m at and give myself grace:

1. Don’t let someone mislabel this season for you as something it’s not.

This isn’t some global creative retreat of undisrupted time to focus - it’s a pandemic. It’s totally cool if you or other people want to use it as a creative retreat, but do NOT buy into the lie that you HAVE to. It’s a heavy time and you’re allowed to feel however you feel right now.

2. Just try to take action in any sense of the word.

When I was feeling really sad and stuck last week, I just allowed myself to do something pointless that I knew would lift my spirits a little. I spent an afternoon printing out a bunch of grainy snapchat pictures from my cousin’s bachelorette party a couple years ago because they made me laugh.

Absolutely nothing about it was productive or moved my career forward in any way but it a) got me to do something and b) put on a smile on my face - and that always helps.

3. Just do your best and love yourself for whatever your best looks like right now.

At the end of the day, all we can do is our best. As soon as I realized I don’t have to wait to feel 100% better to jump online and play some music, I decided to just do it.

Which is why I’ll be grabbing my guitar and saying ‘hi’ over on my @katevoegele IG this Thursday 4/16 if you guys wanna join me! 

So I guess I’m writing this today for anyone who has felt inadequate, stuck, or just sad. I wish more than anything that none of us felt this way, but it’s OK that we do.

I hope you give yourself grace and realize that you, like the rest of us, are just doing the best you can to get through this thing.