Is it just me or does this pandemic season somehow make me feel even less organized and level-headed than I was back when going places and seeing people was a thing? Kate here, and today I’m talking about that feeling of total overwhelm that we all know too well - the one that inevitably finds us every time we load our plate with too much stuff.

It’s really odd to me that I’m experiencing this feeling so much right now, during a time when I’m technically far less “busy” than I would be during a normal year. Last year at this time I had a gig on the west coast of the US and took a red eye flight to New York as soon as I got offstage, and then proceeded to get on a transatlantic ship to England the following morning. It sounds a lot more stressful than my current day-to-day when I write it out like that, but somehow here we are.

I’m fairly certain that I can attribute this feeling of overwhelm to the fact that I probably am subconsciously loading my plate with more than I can handle right now in an effort to make up for the fact that life does feel so out of control for all of us. I wrote a post earlier this summer all about confessing my control freak-dom, and I’m really noticing the effects of it now more than ever.

Having said that, I think it would be misguided to write a post about trying to do everything without acknowledging that there are plenty of folks who are dealing with this feeling and reality in a far more intense and serious manner than I am. It’s not lost on me that there are so many people out there working several essential jobs at once who may be also simultaneously parenting, homeschooling, and who knows what else. I definitely don’t pretend to be an expert on this subject, and I have an insane amount of admiration for those dealing with more on their plate than I can probably even imagine. Some of us have no choice but to keep a million balls in the air and I’m definitely not claiming to know what that’s like.

I guess this is a post that’s really more of a personal account of what’s helping me during a time when I find myself unintentionally putting a crazy amount of pressure on myself. It’s really a post for anyone who also finds themselves piling stuff onto their own plate in an attempt to feel more accomplished.

I’m no stranger to expecting ridiculously unattainable things of myself (as you probably already know if you’ve read my post about overcoming perfectionism) but something about the limitations of this lockdown season have me putting the pressure on extra thick.

Probably could use some of her ‘ruff day chardonnay’ lol

Here are some of the action steps I’m taking (or trying to take..lol) when I’m clearly overextending myself:

1. Decide where your priorities and values are and be ruthless about saying no to anything outside of them

Once I took the time to really decide what my values are (creativity, family, curiosity, etc) and what out of everything on my plate was truly important to me - or if you prefer to think in Konmari terms, what “sparked joy” - it became a little easier to start purging some of the less necessary stuff.

I’m trying to make a habit of constantly checking in and asking myself if what I’m expecting of myself is aligned with the things I really value and the type of person I ultimately want to be.

2. Create super specific, tiny goals instead of giant sweeping, general ones

I am the queen of putting big, sweeping goals like “learn to play the cello” or “write a memoir” on my annual list. While these are both awesome goals, by themselves they usually prove to be ridiculously daunting.

For every super time-intensive goal like this on my list, I’m trying to ask myself what the very first couple small steps would look like. Then, the key is to pick a date, time, and place to take those tiny steps. So basically, “write a memoir” becomes “spend an hour on Sunday at home watching that introduction to memoir writing e-course.”

3. Take social media breaks

I’m not even a mom and yet even I find myself feeling crazy inadequate every time I scroll past those elaborate, Pinterest-worthy homeschool room setups on Insta. No hate to anyone creating those rooms btw, I think it actually sounds like a really fun project. The point is that social media is an absolute nightmare when it comes to comparing ourselves to other people, and for me, I tend to overextend myself in the worst way when I’m in that comparison headspace.

If you haven’t watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix yet, DO IT. It’ll definitely jumpstart your social media mindfulness in the best way.

4. Remember that you don’t have to crush it at everything you want to be good at right this minute

I don’t know about you, but I am truly so sick of the 30 under 30 and even 40 under 40 lists. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to acknowledge those accomplishments, but it also tends to feed into our society’s obsession with achieving obscene levels of success at a young age.

You may have already read that Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until 39, or make her TV debut until 51. I grew up watching Bob Ross’s painting show every week and only just now learned that he didn’t even start that show until he was 41. Vera Wang didn’t start designing bridal gowns until 40, and Ava DuVernay didn’t even start directing films until after age 32.

While I’m all about doing it now and seizing the day, I also try to remember when I’m expecting myself to become a master at 87 new things in one month that there are so many amazing examples of people who changed careers or found success at something new at every age.

5. Remind yourself that everyone is struggling and that things take twice the energy when the world is in a crazy state

This is not a scientific fact by any means, but I think it’s a fair assumption. Things are really weird in the world right now, and it’s normal to feel the weight of that in our everyday lives and actions. It kind of reminds me of the first time I played a show in Denver on tour and tried to do a mildly hard workout. I didn’t realize until I was a few outrageously sweaty minutes in and absolutely gasping for breath that the altitude was making this normally pretty easy workout twice as hard.

I love Denver, so I’m not trying to compare this rad city to the absolute dumpster fire that is 2020, but let’s just say that this year has upped the altitude significantly and that’s okay.

6. Talk to yourself like you would a good friend

This is the one that’s probably hardest for me believe it or not, but it’s a crucial lesson that I’m trying to learn. Every time you start piling crazy expectations on yourself try to ask, would I expect this of my best friend? My sister? The answer is usually a hard no.

Giving ourselves grace is not always easy, but when we’re hard wired to push ourselves to the absolute brink of exhaustion, it’s extremely necessary to practice.

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Do you find yourself trying to stay unnecessarily busy during all this madness? How are you balancing those tendencies with time for rest and self-compassion?

How To Deal When You're Trying to Do Literally Everything