Wedding Planning During a Pandemic

If we thought wedding planning was stressful before, trying to plan (and re-plan) one during a pandemic is a whole other story.

Hi guys, Courtney here — and today I’m talking about what has helped me plan a wedding during the pandemic. Like many other engaged couples, we postponed our wedding a whole year to avoid the COVID madness as much as possible. But the reality for a lot of us is, it’s still at the forefront of our minds even as we plan our postponed versions.

I wrote a blog in May of 2020, and it was essentially a letter of encouragement to other “corona brides” to let themselves feel all the feelings and know that their love is still special. Reading it again now, I giggle because I wrote, “My fiancé and I haven’t seen another human being in person for two and a half months (other than the cashiers at Whole Foods).” LOL. It’s been almost 12 months now. But still, shout out to those Whole Foods cashiers and all the frontline workers who have been risking their lives to keep us safe. 

I remember when we decided to postpone a whole year, I thought wow, we really overdid it - there’s no way this is going to be an issue in 2021. Obviously, I was very wrong about that. For me personally, the hardest part has been the uncertainty. Before COVID, common stressors were the weather, getting beautiful pictures, and alterations fitting perfectly. For us corona brides, or at least for me — all I want is to be able to hug and dance with all my favorite people safely. Not that that wasn’t a priority for brides before COVID, but I never thought that it would be wishful thinking. (But seriously, it’s at the point where I’d be fine if someone poured a whole bottle of red wine on my dress and there was 20 inches of rain on our wedding day, as long as I could hug my people and dance, haha)

I’ve gone through phases of pure calm, outrageous anxiety, guilt — because I know having to plan a wedding during a pandemic is SO much easier than what some other people are going through — and times where I refused to let myself think about it or be excited about it. I’ve talked to so many different brides and a lot of us are experiencing the same roller coaster ride.

For what it’s worth, here’s what I have learned throughout the planning process that has helped me cope. These may or may not help or apply to you, but if you’re a hopeful bride who’s trying to plan your dream day amidst this absolute chaos, just know that I see you and I want you to have your day, too.

1. Establish your non-negotiables

There are certain things that some couples are willing to give up that others aren’t. I’ve heard many say that they won’t have a wedding without dancing, while others don’t like dancing anyway. Some say that they refuse to cut guest lists of 200, while others find that eloping actually suits them better in the end.

Every couple is different, and you have to do what’s best for you. My fiancé and I discussed the things that we’re not willing to give up and have been basing our plan off of that. If it comes time to send invites and those things still aren’t in the cards, we will likely modify or postpone. Granted, a lot of people might not have flexibility with dates and/or modifications, which leads me to my next point.

2. Carefully read the contracts you’re signing with vendors

I’ve recently ramped up wedding planning after putting it on hold for six months, and I’ve learned to ask the right questions up front. Make sure you’re asking your vendors about their contract flexibility, how they handle deposits (are they moveable, refundable?), and carefully read for any clauses that may end up strapping you for cash in the case that things don’t go as planned.

I’ve also tried to be really understanding with vendors, because they’re struggling, too. If a vendor says that their contract is flexible date-wise, but that they prefer half of the total as a deposit rather than the normal deposit of $100 because of cash flow concerns, I try to understand where they’re coming from and honor that. We’re all barely hanging on here.

3. Try your best to doom scroll less

This one has been hard for me, because I’m constantly tempted to google “when will we all have the vaccine?”, “when can people have normal weddings again?”, “when can we safely travel internationally?”. I never get the answers I’m looking for and it just makes me even more sad and anxious. 

My sister Kate, my mom and I have this running joke that the answer to everything for the past 10 months has been, “we’ll just have to see.” 2020 was the year of “just seeing” and it is definitely spilling over into 2021.

Raise your hand if you’re sick of “just seeing”? The reality is, it’s a pretty good answer given the uncertainty of it all right now. I made the mistake of joining a few bride Facebook groups to help navigate planning a wedding during a pandemic and it has honestly done more harm than good. These women mean well, but half of them are of the “I’m having my wedding the way I want it COVID aside!” mindset and the other half are saying “yeah, we’re postponing til 2023 because I don’t want to risk it.” 

In addition to muting those Facebook groups, I’ve really had to limit my news intake, which is honestly so hard because I just want to KNOW what is going to happen and what I can expect so I can plan accordingly. But I can’t know — no one can, and I just have to accept that and cross all these bridges when I come to them.

4. Understand that your wedding is not everyone’s first priority

I am grateful that I have family and friends who regularly check in with me and ask how they can help, but I’ve seen many brides in these Facebook groups gripe over their friends not “caring” enough about their wedding. While I understand that this can be disappointing, try to remember that everyone has their own sh*t going on right now. Just because your wedding isn’t top of mind for someone doesn’t mean they don’t care. It’s not personal — everyone is scared and anxious and trying to get through this. If you’re feeling alone in your wedding planning, seriously, DM me! I’m more than happy to lend an ear because I totally understand where you’re coming from.

As a frustrated bride-to-be, I’ve also learned that there are certain people that are better to vent to than others about wedding-related things. My fiancé, parents, sister and brother-in-law, cousins, and best friends all let me vent as much as I want, but I try to avoid any meltdown-type behavior in front of people who may be yearning to find their special someone, someone who may be going through a breakup, or someone who’s experiencing a hardship far more challenging.

5. Pick up a hobby besides wedding planning

This has been huge for me. The joy of wedding planning has definitely been reduced because of the pandemic, so I realized that it can’t be the only thing I think about and do in my spare time. I’ve been planning little by little while I can, but if there’s still stuff that’s up in the air, I need to set it aside and do something else.

I decided to pick up sewing (read my advice for beginners here) and have had so much fun creating gifts for family and friends. I’ve started a few online classes to learn more about sewing clothes and fashion design and it has not only allowed me to explore my creativity, but has distracted me immensely from the anxiety about the state of the world right now.

I know there’s nothing I can say to really make this any easier or more certain, but I can reassure you that you’re not alone. More than anything, I’ve really just tried to let go. Let go of control, certainty, the ideal “wedding body”, and every other insignificant detail that seems like a big deal now but really isn’t at the end of the day. If you’re planning a wedding during a pandemic, I’d love to hear from you! What has helped you get through this crazy time? Drop your tips in the comments!