Advice For Covid-19 Brides

It’s no secret that the COVID-19 pandemic has fundamentally changed the way we live, work, travel, consume, and plan. How are we supposed to plan for the future when no one really knows how and when this will end? 

Courtney here — as a bride who is currently dealing with wedding planning during COVID-19, I wanted to write something especially for other to-be Mrs. so we can all find a little comfort and solidarity during this time.

Let me say this before I continue — and I’m sure you’ve all heard this, too. I know that struggling to plan a wedding during a pandemic absolutely pales in comparison to other things that people may be experiencing — loss of loved ones, unemployment, bankruptcy, mental and physical health issues, the stress and anxiety of working on the frontlines — and the list goes on. No matter what you may be struggling with right now, I am thinking of you and rooting for you. 

Brides who are struggling during this time know that it could be so much worse. We know that having to potentially postpone or cancel wedding plans is not the biggest deal in the world right now. 

But with that said, I think we could all use some comforting words and maybe a vent sesh or seven. Here are some things that have helped me throughout the past few months as I’ve nervously watched and waited. (these are things that have worked for me and might not be helpful to you — and that’s okay!)

Advice for COVID-19 Brides:

1. Let it Out

This was a big one for me. For the first two months of quarantine (I’m in NYC, so we’ve been locked down since mid-March), I put on a front that I was super chill about everything. When people would ask me if I was nervous about the wedding, I’d reply with something along the lines of, “Honestly, whatever happens, happens. It won’t be the biggest deal if we have to reschedule, we just want everyone to be safe and healthy.” And while that is 100% true and I’d never put any of my loved ones in danger, it was a way bigger deal to me than I’d admitted to anyone.

I have this fear of ever coming off as high maintenance, and have a tendency to avoid any behavior that might characterize me as a “bridezilla.” I am a chronic people pleaser and try to avoid drama at all costs — even if it costs me my sanity and ability to express my emotions.

All of a sudden, a few weeks ago, I started having really bad anxiety about everything. I’d completely put the wedding out of my mind for two months — would not even think about it — because I was so sad thinking about having to possibly reschedule. It was like I was pretending like the wedding wasn’t even a thing, because it was too vulnerable to think about.

This was a huge mistake, because all those suppressed feelings just resurfaced all at once and I started to obsess over case counts, what every phased reopening meant, and how that affected the probability of the wedding happening. I went from one extreme to the other — and I think I should have been living somewhere in the middle.

I want brides to understand that IT IS OKAY TO BE SAD AND UPSET AND STRESSED, despite how much worse it could be. A lot of women have dreamed about our wedding day since we were little girls, and now that it’s finally our turn, it feels like the experience is so different than we imagined. 

My advice is to LET IT OUT. Choose a few family members (thanks Mom and Kate) or friends who will understand and scream, cry, or swear — whatever you have to do to let yourself feel those feelings. THIS SUCKS. It sucks that the one year you planned to marry your best friend, celebrate your love with family and friends, and finally be the one who gets to wear white, is all tangled and twisted. 

And yes, us brides all know that we can still get legally married, and we’re still so lucky to have met the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with, and moving it to next year or the year after will make it “that much more special.”  We know. But that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t suck.

So let it out. Feel your feelings. Write in a journal. Do whatever you have to do to let yourself know that your feelings are valid. I am in this with you and I understand. I have finally let myself feel sad for the first time and it actually feels really good.

2. Accept the Uncertainty

This piece of advice is my own worst nightmare. I am a huge planner, and I HATE uncertainty. My whole life, I’ve battled accepting uncertainty, and I am learning this lesson again in this season of waiting. So while I know that it’s important to feel my feelings, I also know that I can’t live in that frustration and sadness forever — to preserve my sanity (and the sanity of others). 

After speaking to my venue and a few vendors, we’ve made the decision to not make a decision until 8 weeks before the wedding. Between now and then, I will not allow myself to obsess over every little piece of news or post from another bride affected by this. I will understand that it could go one way or the other, and I need to be prepared to accept both options at this point. 

I’ve seen some brides list out the pros and cons of different scenarios, and I don’t think it’s a bad idea. It forces you to look at the potential benefits of a different date or different setup (maybe the weather will be nicer, maybe grandma can come, maybe there’s cost savings involved). That way, no matter what happens, you have some silver linings already plotted out. 

For brides who have already had to postpone, use this time to get excited again. Don’t let the sh*ttiness of this situation take away your spark, or the fact that you get to be a “fiancé” a little longer. Maybe the additional time allows you to put some more money in your wedding or honeymoon piggy bank, and maybe your now-preggo friend will be able to come to your bachelorette next year afterall. It’s hard to try to make the best of a difficult situation — I get it. But at least attempting to might make you feel that much better.

3. Celebrate With Your Fiancé

When it’s all said and done, no matter what, you’ve got your person.

This time can be really hard on relationships. My fiancé and I haven’t seen another human being in person for two and a half months (other than the cashiers at Whole Foods). It’s been us two in our one-bedroom Manhattan apartment for 75 days straight, and despite the challenges we’ve faced, I wholeheartedly believe that we’re stronger for it.

To celebrate being together and let myself get excited again, I scrapbooked our engagement. It was so fun to go through all of the pictures, saved hotel keycards, and “congratulations” notes to piece together our love story.

No matter when we get married, we can still make this weird engagement season special. I’m planning a dinner or picnic (or whatever we can realistically do) where we get dressed up, drink some champagne, and toast to love and marriage (whenever the marriage part may actually be). 

Brides — I just want you to know that this pandemic cannot take away what you have with your fiancé. Yes, some of us might have our wedding pics in lace masks, and some of us might be engaged for 365 more days than we planned, but your wedding still matters, you are still special, and I SEE you.

If there are any other brides out there with some advice, drop it in the comments below! XOXO